Dead Poet Song

I want to write like Seamus Heaney
he's so cool and not a meaney
he writes about the Irish Troubles
big old words and little bubbles

I want to write like Ted Hughes
he's a cunt you can't refuse
he writes about death, stoats, blood and
stoats, weasels, stoats and stoats

I want to write like Philip Larkin
he's a car that's always parking
his mum and dad they fucked him up
I know just what he means

I want to write like Kingsley Amis
he would never take the piss
he loved the dear old queenie mum
he took it up the bum

I want to write like Wendy Cope
she writes poems I want to grope
she knows how to write a couplet
it's a pity that I can't

I want to write like Carol Ann Dufy
she's so warm and yum and fluffy
I would take her home to tea
with my mum and me

I want to write like Andrew Motion
he's got a name like skin lotion
he's the one and only poet laureate
and don't we half, uh, knoweate